Just like I promised, I’ve totally come through for you. Today I have answers to some of your most pressing questions.
Okay, they’re really my pressing questions, but you’ll probably want to see the answers anyway because they apply to pretty much everyone. And they come from a fabulous source: the amazing Danielle LaPorte!
I met Danielle last September when she rocked through Austin, starting fires along the way. Not literal fires, because that wouldn’t be good for anybody, even though I really like firefighters. No, I’m talking about the kind that make you want to jump up and down on your toes because you’re so galvanized, so motivated, so in love with the ideas you have and you’re oh-so-ready to put them into action. I went to one of Danielle’s Fire Starter Sessions, took pages and pages of notes, and pretty much walked out wanting to set everything ablaze. And since then I’ve launched a website and come up with a way to revolutionize how we read fiction and started a blog that you have to admit you pretty much couldn’t live without.
Really, I’m kind of tired.
But there’s hope! Because I’ve asked Danielle some tough questions and guess what? She has short, simple answers for me, and maybe for you, too.
Are you ready? Hang on to your cupcake.
First I asked Danielle about space, because that’s such a trigger for me and everyone I know. How does she create space for herself as a parent, how does she prioritize that time, and at what cost? This is what she said:
Well, I have a few opinions about life-balance. Mainly: there’s no such thing. As cliché as it sounds, I like the work-hard, play-hard lifestyle. I crank on a creative project for weeks straight–which means we eat a lot of pizza and hang with some dust bunnies. And … then … it’s launch time, and holiday time and renew the temple time. It works.
I like this answer because it makes sense to me. I mean, here I am, trying to achieve some kind of balance as I do everything at once and I always feel like I’m failing. So maybe I should stop trying so hard to find equilibrium. Also, who wouldn’t want to hang with some dust bunnies? The way Danielle words it, hanging with dust bunnies actually sounds fun. Plus, I really like pizza.
So, no balance. Word hard, play hard. I like this mentality. I could buy in to this mentality.
Next I asked Danielle what risks she takes with both her work and her parenting. And this is what she said:
My career is one Big Unending Risk. Dramatic, I know. But I’m committed to living a bold and true life and so it calls me to put my opinions out there, trust in the universe, keep reaching … and being quite open and transparent along the way. Risk in parenting? I never feel a sense of that. I just try to keep shining, embracing, asking, listening. Listening makes all the difference.
Okay, I TOTALLY have to agree with Danielle here. Because I got to read these answers days before you had the chance, and so I’ve been trying really hard lately to just shut up and listen. And while sometimes that’s harder than others, like last night when The Boy got mad at the dining room chair and stabbed it with a fork and then when I glowered at him he said, I don’t understand why you’re upset, it’s not like I split the chair in half . . . while sometimes it’s hard to listen, I also know that I didn’t say a word all the way home from picking The Boy up at school yesterday and I got an earful from him in return. And while I think Danielle isn’t specifically talking about listening to her son here, but listening to the cosmos, I think it applies anyway. Also, when I do get all nice and quiet and listen to the cosmos, like after yoga or something, that’s when I get the very best advice.
Next I asked Danielle about
fear, because that’s been on my mind lately. How does she use fear to her advantage in her work and in her parenting? This is what she said:
Fear isn’t my thing, really. Of course, I experience fear to a degree, but it’s not something I battle. I have other demons. And as for fear and parenting … I don’t think worrying or being fearful for my kid helps him much at all. Sometimes it makes me feel more “responsible” but it’s a waste of energy, ultimately.
This sounds like something
McGinn would say. And for years I’ve been calling McGinn the voice of reason. Plus, if I free up time because I’m not spending it worrying, then I have more time to play.
I asked Danielle about that, about “play.” What’s the importance of “play” for adults? I love her answer.
Work without play is death. Life without play is work.
Every time I think about “play” I think about that sandcastle in
Padre.
I’m thinking, too, about a conversation I had with a friend last night, about work and paying the bills and how it’s a false premise to assume that playing
won’t pay the bills. I bet Danielle, as she’s been gearing up for
the launch of her digital e-book today, has felt a lot like she’s playing.
So how, I’ve been wondering, does Danielle rock the domestic side of her world at the same time she’s conquering the world? Guess what she said?
No clutter. Hire a housekeeper. Keep it simple.
You know I love this answer! Because I love
The Angel almost more than life itself. And I love my housekeeper, too, and I still intend to call that
handyman. So the fact that Danielle swears by a staff . . . well, let’s just say that I feel all nice and affirmed.
And also curious about one more thing. What advice would she have for anyone ready to embark on an “unconventional” path: a high school valedictorian who’s considering not going to college, a businessman who wants to quit his job to teach snorkeling lessons, a musician who wants to produce her own album? Here are her gems.
Being qualified is overrated. So go for it.
You can’t fake passion and passion is like rocket fuel.
Create a culture of “yes” around you–coaches, mentors, role models, sensible friends–who know you well enough to be both encouraging and practical. Know how “success” feels to you and let your goal be about generating those feelings. Everything else is secondary.
Be generous every chance you get.
Copyright © 2010 Jennifer Hritz hritzontheedge All Rights Reserved
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thanks for the love!
What’s not to love? Thank you so much for your keen advice!
Jennifer – Your writing inspires me and gives me a moment to chuckle occasionally. Keep posting away! Thanks for sharing!
I most like the quote about balance. Nothing can always fit into the “I do half and you do half” all day, every day. (And resentment builds if you try it!) She sounds like one smart lady!! I loved the interview!! Cheers to my favorite author who “took the uncoventional path.”
Resentment? I know nothing about this resentment of which you speak.
The idea of risk taking has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been reading Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal Vegetable Miracle where she documents her family’s commitment to eating only seasonal local food and mainly food that they grow or raise for a year. It sounds like a big gamble to make that kind of public promise, but the reward is huge and the experience is so rich! She’s taking a class where she learns to make her own cheese; she’s describing how neighbors receive gifts of tomato starters without saying “thank you” so as not to jinx the plant. How delicious to get to learn the customs of the new place moved to and to learn how to do things in such the old school way. It has made me want to move to the country and do the same thing. Of course, I can’t even get carrots of longer than 3″ to grow in my backyard here, so I dare not make such commitments until I can be certain that we wouldn’t starve. But the energy of just thinking of this possibility is invigorating.
Kingsolver’s wonderful, isn’t she? I loved this book, and kept insisting to my husband that we should move out to a farm somewhere and live off the land. The fact that we bought an orange tree last May that we never got around to replanting should dissuade us, but the idea’s still nice.
Where would we be without risk?
The thing that’s so seductive about balance is that we think that’s where we’ll feel comfortable. Because we associate being off-balance with falling and failing. And maybe it is more comfortable, but it’s not fun or even productive. I’ve been playing with the idea of living an unbalanced life since I heard an interview with the “catch and cradle” guy (http://huff.to/OZkJl). But now you two ladies have me seeing that balance and risk are two sides of the same story. We’re never so unbalanced as when we take a leap, and that’s where life gets its joy.
Amen.
This is a FABULOUS article, April, and one that falls in line so beautifully with Danielle’s response.
I’m tilting toward that feeling I get when I’m in my shiny red convertible. You?
Failure Postive.
Gever Tulley spoke this simple sentence* at his talk last Friday. And it is no wonder I am witnessing it’s reverb everywhere, including in the meditation on risk as seen in your post. It is really is at the heart of the matter, the matter that is our lives. I am so blessed to have so many mindful women in my community, Danielle included, who explore being off-balance, live their lives wabi-sabi and think risk as something other than pejorative.
Failure Positive (and all it implies, offers) is my mantra today.
*Is this even considered a sentence? I get so nervous with my English comp skills in your, Amy and April’s gaze.
Risk makes me feel alive. Risk tells me what to write. Risk gives me the tiniest bit of queasiness but such incredible exhilaration that all I can think of is my next step off the edge.
Thanks, Jen, for this comment.
P.S. I didn’t have to edit your comment at all.
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